Controlling Children

Everyone agrees that controlling children is not always desirable, but it is not that clear whether disciplining children is the best way to help them become independent. Research indicates that punishing children increases aggression and violence in children. You acquire more influence with children when you give up trying to use power to control them.

Rather than seeing an either-or choice between authoritarian controlling of children and permissiveness, adults should focus on building self-discipline through influence. Authority has multiple meanings

• Authority based on expertise (“Authority E”)
• Authority based on position or title (“Authority J” J=Job)
• Authority based on informal contracts (“Authority C”)
• Authority based on power (“Authority P”)

All other authority is based on mutual understanding but Authority P is involuntary. Children don’t respect Authority P, even if they have to obey it.

Is effective communication then not an appropriate avenue to pursue? It is recommended to engage in active listening by giving your full attention to what the child is saying, and to afterwards reflect back to show that you have understood.

It is essential that parents also understand the power relationships at play when they want to start controlling their children. Using unnecessary or excessive power causes you to lose influence, but the other side of the story states that giving up the use of power lets you gain influence. Try and strike a good balance between the two.

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Good Parenting - Do You Have The Necessary Skills?

To be a parent is not always an easy task, as it can take a lot out of a person. Parenting is about responsibility, patience and a lot of hard work. Good parents however, opt to spend lots of time with their children and always encourages them to do their very best. Great parents may also sacrifice things like free time, to provide for their children.

Good parenting is about nurturing a positive attitude within your children and steering away from negativities. This means trying not to use phrases like "listen to me as I am your parent". These type of words will not do anything to enhance the child's independence, as it sounds far too authoritarian. Children who can identify how or why they are going wrong will benefit only from positive encouragement. Kids can become rebellious at times especially when they do not comprehend what the parent is really saying.

An additional but normal parenting drawback is comparing the child with another sibling and berating the kid to be more like others. This is being unjust to the child who must actually be taught to grow up to be optimistic about life. Comments like "why can't you be more like your brother or sister" will cause sibling animosity and could have a detrimental effect on him or her for the rest of their lives.

Children are normally much terrified about what others feel and think about them. Good parenting requires the mother and father to acknowledge the good in their children and building better confidence in their lives from a very young age. Some parents also tend to tell their children to pull their lives together, but such remarks can cause the kid to keep away from expressing themselves.

It is therefore evident that by applying good parenting skills, you can make a real difference between having a child that is self-assured and self-reliant, and one who is a troubled or delinquent. As a parent, the choice is ultimately in your hands.

Much of the advise on good parenting is too theoretical and therefore useless. If you really want some additional insights into this fascinating subject, then you must visit;


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Regards,

Gerard.

Motivation From Your Children

Motivation can sometimes be seen as elusive and often comes from places we likely don’t always understand or anticipate.

Motivation can come from seeing your beloved child working hard to accomplish something – a drawing, an exercise routine, a Rubik’s cube or another task that appears to be very challenging . To see them hard at work, struggling and finally succeeding can motivate you as a parent to do something just as good and possibly better.

We see how satisfied those children feel when they accomplish something challenging and it makes us want to accomplish something ourselves in order to feel the same way.

As a parent it is sometimes difficult to grasp and understand that self-motivation doesn’t always come from yourself. It is indeed a big step in understanding where you can find motivation to get you through the day, the week, or even just this hour as your work tirelessly to improve yourself so that you can positively affect the lives of children.

Whenever you are stumped for motivation or if you’re ever feeling like you just need to sit back and give up for awhile, take a few minutes to reflect on the relationships that you have with your family, especially the children.

Think about how you can use your family to find your motivation to succeed in life and continue turning your environment into something successful and impactful.

There are lots of sources for motivation and it usually doesn’t come from you.

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Successful Parenting Is About Implementing Practical Solutions

The art of successful parenting involves practical solutions for parents, tips for improving communication, building positive relationships and other useful parenting skills in order to develop children's self-discipline and help them become the winners they were meant to be.

To become a "manager of his child's temperament', a successful parent must have an emotionally "neutral" stance, by thinking rationally, rather than become emotionally embroiled in the temperamental difficulties of his child. The adult needs to learn the difference between the temperamentally determined behaviour, and that which is learned, and deliberately manipulative as a means of achieving a selfish outcome.

By understanding and improving the child's attitude and habits, parents will make great strides in enhancing their self- esteem and positive development. There are of course several parenting strategies for very intense children, and parenting strategies for slow-to-adapt children. The children's personality will ultimately develop itself as a reaction to the environment, and a response to the way they are perceived by the others, with parental influence playing a huge role.

The development of a positive self-concept is the corner stone for the successful rearing of children and teenagers. The medium to long term benefits are that it will help them to act independently, assume a responsibility, take pride in their accomplishments, attempt new tasks and challenges, and handle both positive and negative emotions in a proper manner.

Raising children is not “child's play” but parents can go a long way in adding value to the process by fulfilling the role of guardian, mentor and non-critical coach.

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For additional and more hard-hitting facts on this matter, I suggest that you go to;

===>http://tinyurl.com/happykids4life

Don't forget to get others to visit the site as well.

Thanks,

Gerard.

Kids and Goal Setting, Why is it So Important?

This can be great fun, and can make a huge difference in their lives. Goal setting for kids books, worksheets and activities will all help you to introduce this idea to your children. It doesn't matter if you are a parent, teacher, grandparent or friend, if you can encourage the children in your life to start setting goals at an early age, you can have a profound affect on their lives.

But why would you bother with this goal setting activity with kids?

You're busy enough aren't you?

• In today's information age, people are bombarded with so many choices, decisions and options. It's very easy to get sidetracked or to just "go with the flow."? Learning how to set goals at an early age will give your child the tools needed to live a purposeful life. They will be able to make decisions that get them where they want to go instead of just reacting to whatever is in front of them at that moment.

• Most highly successful people are avid goal-setters. Pick up any best-selling book from personal growth gurus and there will be a section dedicated to goal setting. These coaches don't consider goal setting an option; to them it's mandatory if you want to live an amazing life.

• When you take the time to sit down and totally focus on your child, you KNOW how much they love that. This is about more than just Goal Setting, it is about saying how much you love them, and that you care enough about them and their future, that you are prepared to spend time working on it with them. You KNOW what an impact that will have with them. They will love Goal Setting, and feel so proud when they have written their first goal.

• Setting goals can lead to profound feelings of happiness, purpose, confidence and self-worth. Imagine your child being confident because they know that they have the ability to achieve whatever they want to achieve. Imagine how exciting the world would be to them!

Is it not about time that we take a much more serious interest in our children. They are after all, the foundation on which our future will be built.

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Winsome Coutts holds a teacher’s certificate in education and has written hundreds of articles on self-development. She has studied with Bob Proctor and John Demartini, popular teachers featured on “The Secret” DVD. She is the passion behind the project at -

http://tinyurl.com/happykids4life

Happy, High Achieving, Or Gifted Child – What Is Your Desire?

There seems to be an inner longing from parents to not only have happy, but also high achieving children. They must be able to perform well both academically and socially.

Identification of gifted students is clouded when concerned adults misinterpret high achievement as giftedness. High-achieving students are noticed for their on-time, neat, well-developed, and correct learning products.

Adults comment on these students' consistent high grades and note how well they acclimate to class procedures and discussions. Some adults assume these students are gifted because their school-appropriate behaviours and products surface above the typical responses of grade-level students. But does this necessarily portray the correct picture?

Some educators with expertise in gifted education are frustrated trying to help other educators and parents understand that is imprtant to be academically astute and fully integrated with your social circle.

While high achievers are valuable participants whose high-level modeling is welcomed in classes, they also have a different learning and social interaction style. In situations in which they are respected and encouraged, gifted students' thinking has more diverse perceptions than is typical of their other peers.

To articulate the above differences to educators and parents can sometimes be a challenge. What must be remembered though, is that they are still children after all. Maybe we as parents should just ensure that they grow up to enjoy themselves and become happy kids for life.

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Gerard.

Teaching Children About Discipline And Reward Systems

There tends to be an agreement by most parents that discipline in its more simplistic definition is highly desirable, but it is not so clear whether disciplining children is the best way to help them become more conscientious.

Numerous research papers seems to suggest that punishing children increases aggression and violence within them. Additional evidence also indicate that you acquire more influence with children when you give up trying to use power to control them.

Is it therefore not better that when having a choice between authoritarian control and permissiveness, adults should focus on building self-discipline through influence?

Authority can have multiple meanings, including that based on expertise, based on position or title, or even on power. Children especially, don’t respect power authority, even if they have to obey it, or whether it comes with the traditional reward-and-punish approach. Rewards and punishments are external controls; take away the control, and the behaviour modification disappears

Using rewards for behavior modification is difficult, given the need to reward consistently and almost instantaneously. If a reward seems too far removed in time, it will be less potent. In particular, you cannot prevent children from getting rewarded by others for unacceptable behavior

When children can acquire their own rewards, rewards no longer work for behaviour modification, as it have to be felt as attainable, or children will give up and stop striving

Did the above remind you of your own child, or that of a family friend in your neighbourhood. Are you concerned that you might be losing the war on self-discipline when it comes to children?

For additional and more hard-hitting facts on this matter, I suggest that you go to;

===>http://tinyurl.com/happykids4life

Don't forget to get others to visit the site as well.

Thanks and Good Luck,

Gerard.